Bonus

Is there a phobia for this?

Assalamualaikum :)



Hye everyone...
It is the holidays right?
So how are you guys doing?
I hope that you guys are having good times during these holidays.
By the way, referring to the topic.... while listening to this "Jane Eyre" soundtrack suite, I was trying to find a topic....
Then suddenly while I was blogging here.... a guy that I thought I was in love with bloomed me with a short conversation .. Yep, just me and him ... through the chatbox .
Hmm now he does not want to be friends with me...
Ahh who cares?
Do you think I care dude?
No I do not. (think so)

Back to the topic. So what was that kind of phobia that I meant?
Well phobia are always referred to any kinds of fear right?
So this one...
That I am suffering.... is a fear of losing friends and not having best friends.
I do not know why or what but deep inside my heart, I have always been afraid of feeling alone and no one cared about me.Honestly.
Oh My God, I guess no one would really listen to me...
No one would care about me.
You know I get jealous and feel sad when they talk about like #MentionPeopleYouLove or whatsoever they have... and people they mention... not one about me.
I have been trying to find people who actually find me interesting and can be with and they want to be with me.
But I think back, why should I bother this? Is a that kind of special friend that I want is important?
NO.
I have Allah!
He is our ultimate friend.
After reading tweet-conversation between Zahirah and Alia Sab..
I finally realized that it is normal to see your friends are happy without you, and they disappear.
Sometimes you feel like you don't have real friends, but you are wrong. You do have them. It is just that, everyone could not except that part where they forget each other or you yourself forgets.
Accept. Be grateful.
Friends might not be there always for you.
But for the sake of God, please...
Wake up! You have tons of friends!
It is just that, that you want here is...
a best friend.
Or deeper....
a soul-mate.

I am too searching for one.
But I stop.
I stopped.
Stopped believing, trying.. trusting.. everything.

I cannot blame this girl, but since bad things happen with her,
I just turned out to be so dull and not happy-go-lucky like before.

Even if I try to get those moments back, it won't be the same.
She seemed like..
She's different now.
She does not seem to trust, or like me anymore.
She doesn't share stories to me anymore
or treat me like she used to..
but she seemed to like other people than me.
It is okay.
People change..
but memories won't.
I'm tired of trying.
I thought she was the one.
And I am not ready to try again.
Because I don't seem to find people who accept me for who I am or seemed like they want to be with me.
I am just me.
No one likes me.
Everyone hates me.

Huh.

Ahh.. I don't care lah.
I hope that after this if I have this kind of phobia again, I would just ignore it.
I am strong. I have myself as my own best friend.
What is important now is to study hard and smart.
I am gonna strive for excellence!
Pray for me!
Ouh, and break a leg dear me!

x

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